That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
