I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
