I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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