Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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