There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
