does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
