apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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