DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
