He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
