the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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