Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
