i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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