he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
