He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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