Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Randomize
