she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
