did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
