I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
