I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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