R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
