My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
