Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
