No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
