Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
