I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You left your phone here
Wait...
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