ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
