You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
