I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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