I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's never too late to be topless.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
