why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
