There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
