I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
