The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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