billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you traded sex for a burrito?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
