it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
