and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
