Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
