foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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