why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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