If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
