If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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