Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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