how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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