Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
