woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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