Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
