I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I cut my penus on the lid.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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