I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
