Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
