As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
