he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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