all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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