We won't sleep together?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
