Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
